Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Take, for example, Nickelback

1. Unless you count the frozen waffles I eat for breakfast every morning, I haven't had a meal at home, or even one from home, yet this week. For a change, tonight we will have some tacos prepared in our very own kitchen. ette. Kitchenette. It's probably not a real kitchen unless it has walls around it and ours is all open to the rest of the house. Incidentally it's also making me rethink my stance on carpet. Which is to say, I don't feel all the crumbs sticking to my feet on carpet like I do on linoleum. Not that I'd re-do my floors in linoleum, but I suspect even the fanciest hardwood won't be self-cleaning. We should probably just get a dog. See how I started with waffles and ended with dogs? It's a wonder and a shame I don't post more often.

2. Monday I played Bunko for the first time. I'd have spelled it with a c, but the women who hosted spell it with a k, so Bunko with a k is what I played. Many women would probably tell you that the beauty of Bunko is that it requires no skill whatsoever. But those women are wrong. Dead wrong. Because the beauty of Bunko is that everybody has to bring some food. After 18 rounds and more simple addition errors than I care to admit (I can add together a bunch of 1s with little trouble, but throw some 5s and 21s in there and it's a different story.), I wound up winning 9 and losing 9. I think. All I know for certain is that I paid five dollars and got a better dinner than if I'd eaten at home, so I felt like there were really no losers. I am supremely excited to play Bunko again. Just as soon as I buy a calculator or do some remedial mathematics.

3. Today at work we had an employee appreciation luncheon where I was relegated to the overflow table for people who didn't get there on time or whose 'friends' didn't save them a seat. SO awkward. I did what I could to make conversation, but we all knew what table it was, so mostly there was a lot of errant glancing over at the cool table and laughing when everyone else laughed, hoping somebody would realize we belonged with them and there had been some sort of terrible seating arrangement faux-pas. Eventually, enough people trickled out that I was able to filch my way in, just in time to watch a coworker attempt to eat 10 brownies for twenty bucks.

4. Whenever I see someone in great shape all showy-offy with their tiny clothes and bottled water, or really when I see anyone skinnier than me, I get pretty angry. It probably really does stem from a place of sheer rage, and not any sort of secret envy or self-doubt, but that's beside the point. I just need them to cover it up and please be uglier for crying out loud because nobody wants to see that. Right? Well I've decided that instead of yelling at the skinny people to eat more doughnuts, I'm going to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and see what that does to my attitude. And my fat. So I will keep you posted on that front, unless it goes to pot and I'm to embarrassed to tell you. I am expecting to be highly sore, plus I'll probably just redirect my anger toward Jillian, which seems like exactly what she wants. Is it possible to gain strength from other people's hatred? History points to 'yes.'

1 comment:

Mary said...

oh my god you are hilarious!! i just found you via another site.. and now i'll be linking and reading you regularly!! you make me laugh my ass off, which is exactly what I have been needing for these last few weeks. thank you!